All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
Randomize
