So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
