Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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