i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
