i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
