you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
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