He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
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