Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
