Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
