i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
