I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
