Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
