How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Randomize
