I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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