we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Your cock deserves a montage
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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