Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
