my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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