She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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