The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
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