The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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