fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
