Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
