May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize