the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Randomize
