I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Less talking, more tequila
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
