I only kidnapped one of them. chill
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
