420 ftw
I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
