i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
