Joe is yelling at the trees again.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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