I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
people are starting to question the shark bite story
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
