im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I lost the right to judge tonight
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
