chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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