New low: just hacked my moms facebook
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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