Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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