You work out of a Hotel?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
