I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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