Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
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