if you like me you must not know who I am
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
