I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
