i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
