cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
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