I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
