8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
