Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
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