That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
