you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
