I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
