At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
