My room smells like vodka and shame
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Its about making memories worth repressing
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
