So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
