Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
Randomize
