no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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