Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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