FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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