i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize