He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
