If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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