1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
