you would pick up someone in the library
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Randomize
