There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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