i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
