Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
