I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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