whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
