I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
