Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Randomize
