Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
