i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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