Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
